Dissected: HIMYM

How I Met Your Mother. Quite possibly one of the best series to run on cable. It's the perfect romantic comedy. You fall in love with, and become a part of, the gang; at least I did. I even chuckled when I went to Saks and saw a sign that said "Suit Up"(watch just the first episode and you'll get the joke). But Ted, main character and narrator, is a hopeless romantic in his twenties on the search for love for nine seasons (it's not nearly as sappy as I'm making it sound). Usually there's at least one main character in any movie, show, or book that I can't stand or dislike but I love all of the main characters in this show. They are all pretty different and have very defined roles in the group. You grow with them til the end of the series. The fact that I watched nine years of this show in just two months might mean something. I need to get out more, get some more hobbies. But it was definitely worth it.

Dissected: Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl

The Book.
This book was really weird. I would've never read it if I hadn't heard it was going to be turned into a movie. It was just laying around my room collecting dust. I feel like I didn't really gain much from the book. It's a fiction novel, and its very anticlimatic. The main character, Greg, bashes himself the entire book. The plot is not like one you would expect: a boy hanging out with his best friend who eventually ends up falling for the dying girl. And it's laid out from the beginning that that will not be happening. I read the book quickly. It's written as a story by high school senior Greg; it felt like he was trying to reach a certain word count with a lot of irrelevant fluff, weird stuff, and him constantly berating himself. I did't hate it though, oddly. It's really unusual, and I can tell the movie is going to be really weird (probably an independent film). I guess the main character is just learning how to be a better person throughout the book. He's really scared and boxed in, and his not-so-much of a friend, Earl, pushes him to be a better, more personable person.

After seeing the trailer for the movie I think I've discovered a rare instance in where the movie is better than the book. In the trailer for the movie there seems to be bigger events taking place than in the book (ie, Greg was dressed up in the movie for an event, there was no formal event in the book). Also the Dying Girl, Rachel, seems to have A LOT more personality in the movie, she was very dry in the book and parts including her were mostly awkward. The relationship between Greg and Earl in the movie is also a little different, Greg doesn't seems to acknowledge Earl as his friend until the end of the book. The trailer makes the movie seem a lot more fun than the book, I'll end up watching the movie sometime.

Dissected: Not That Kind of Girl

Starting with the most undesirable spring break I've encountered thus far, I started reading Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl, a book I had picked up, along with Fifty Shades of Grey, a couple months earlier. I have been reading this book on and off since and I just finished it what seems to be a few weeks ago (I've lost track of dates since the start of the summer). I like this book because I feel like it gives me a bigger explanation for Lena Dunham's character, Hannah, on her show Girls (which is a great show on HBO, you should check it out). She breaks the book into five interesting sections, providing countless essays about her life experiences. She doesn't suggest how you should live your life or tell tales about her success. She just bravely shows you who she is. From her stories you realize that she is very much like Hannah. This book has lowkey inspired me to start a memoir comprised of my own stories and essays. If you're a fan of Girls, or Lena Dunham personally, you should pick up Not That Kind of Girl.

Some of the Worst People Ever

This list was originally named 2015's worst people. I realized 2015 isn't even close to over and I've been meeting suckish people all my life. There are people I get mad at all the time but none that I dislike as much as some of the people on this list. Here's my shit list.

Pastor Kevin Lewis

 Pastor Lewis is at the top of my list for the worst people ever, It probably seems very cynical of me, like how can you hate the pastor? But the answer is simple. He's a con artist. But let's back up. Pastor Lewis was the nicest person I knew. He got me gifts for Christmas, we all watched movies together at his house, he held the best barbecues, and he brought us the best pizza ever. Sometimes he came over for dinner after church, it wasn't until I was older that I realized he was trying to flirt with my very married mother, who would laugh it off and give him a plate. I learned that he was really mean to his wife, a very nice lady who was devoted to the church. And then one day we stopped going to church. Everybody did. There was no church anymore. Pastor Lewis stole all the money from the church and ran away. This had all happened before my teenage years. Since this I have not been fully committed to any church or religion. I've recently decided that I want to start going back to church regularly.

Malcolm

 So you remember Malcolm from that party in the Bronx, right? Well I'd like to forget him. There are some things to lay out before I go into detail:
 -Malcolm is very unattractive
 -Everyone in this scenario was drinking
 -Sherona and I are first cousins
 -No one wants Malcolm
 -Malcolm is very unattractive
Okay, let's continue. After playing beer pong, me Sherona, Maryssa, and Casey are hanging out in the room. Malcolm comes into the room and asks if we smoke, we all say no. He leaves and comes back. He sits next to me and tries to start small talk with us and we reply dryly. He's forcing conversation, asking questions like "What's your middle name?" Within seconds he gets angry at us for not chatting with him. So Casey sarcastically replies to his question with one of her own "How big is your penis?".. Gradually everyone leaves the room as I'm chatting with one of the worst people I know. After realizing that it was me alone with Malcolm in the room, I left as well. I didn't realize until later in the night that Malcolm was calmly following me, showing up seconds after me to every room just to strike up a new and boring conversation. After realizing this, and eating all the pringles at the party, I decide it's my time to go. He tries to convince me to stay longer and also says he would like a kiss, denying both of those requests, I get in my uber and head home. When I call Sherona to tell her I'm home she says she's in the middle of a fight and she'll call me back. Apparently I left too soon. I later learn that she was arguing with Malcolm because he began following her around and acting like he was her boyfriend, getting jealous of her being on the phone and talking to other people at the party. After their argument, Malcolm goes to Maryssa and tells her that we all "suck" and that we were obsessed with him. So I left the Bronx certain about one thing and hopeful for another; Malcolm was delusional and I'll never see him again.


Magnus

 Magnus was another character I met in the Bronx. He was a dog that my uncle was sitting. We have a love/hate relationship. At first it was fun playing with Magnus, I even let him take a nap on my stomach. After a couple of days I was over it. Actually after he bit me I was over it. It was a playful bite; it didn't hurt, but it was still unacceptable. Then everything got to me. He was pooping everywhere, he was peeing everywhere. He was everywhere. He would follow my every move, he was obsessed with me. I almost tripped over him a few times. But when I was leaving I definitely missed him. He's not really on the shit list, but he was really annoying after a while.

My across the street neighbor

 He's annoying. I always found him a little creepy, that's why I make sure whenever we hung out, I brought someone else along. It got really weird when he invited me over for drinks, so I planned to invite the usual, but he told me to come alone. So I didn't go. There were way too many times this past year he's invited me to one of his "parties" and when I get there, it's him and one other person. He was always trying to get me to hang out on weird days or in weird situations. Or he wanted to be a tag along to my plans. I think its safe to say he was a little obsessed with me. When I pointed out the fact that he had a girlfriend and was always trying to hang out with me he got a little defensive. Ever since this he started to keep his distance, I thank him for that.

23

I hate him. I've been through a lot with him. Let's just say he likes to play a lot of games and blame everything on me when he gets caught in a situation. Moving on.

Hoe-se

 Jose is this kid that I went to high school with. We talked for like a month or two recently. I was getting to know him but I wasn't really that into him. He was very weird. His nails were way too long and he was OBSESSED with his pet cat. Weird. Well I stopped talking to him completely because I didn't like him in that way and he wasn't interested in being just friends. Within the next couple of months I found out that he had just gotten this girl pregnant. Months after that, one of my good friends told me that she and him were talking to each other around the same time we were.


Sebastard

I've hated this kid since sixth grade (with the exception of a couple months in ninth grade where I thought I should be the bigger person and allow him to be my friend, but then he fucked up again). It all started in sixth grade when we were headed to lunch. Sebastian pulled the elastic string on the front of my jacket, I could tell that if I didn't do something quick, by the time he let go, the string would come back and me at full force and hit me in the face, leaving me in immense amounts of pain and with a mark on my face. I held the string at the end closest to me so when he let go it just hit my hand, that I could handle. So when he let go, I lunged at him, I had him in the corner, kicking him relentlessly. He was always a troublemaker in my class, so when my teacher saw me kicking him, she looked away and she herself went to lunch. When I stopped he got up and yelled that he was going to tell his mom on me and ran. Knowing his mom was a cop, I shed a tear on my way to lunch. The funny thing about that was years after this incident, Sebastian was sent to a juvenile detention center. A lot of other things happened between him, me and my family members since this incident as well; mostly all negative. I don't hate him as much as I used to, especially knowing that I am doing much better than he is. He's corny. He's dusty. He thinks he's a badass but hes not. He's a high school drop out. He doesn't do much with his life except for making mediocre music. And he's one less person I have to worry about.

The Ultimate Road Ride

 3:45 PM - Just got home from "free reading" at Barnes and Noble. [Free reading is when you're browsing the bookstore and start reading a book you find interesting but you never buy it. When you decide you're done reading you just put the book back and come back to read another day. Before today I've hated everyone who "free reads" but considering the funds are low, I've decided free reading is a great alternative to the library.] My train leaves in less than an hour and I haven't started packing yet. I freely throw stuff into a bag (Due to this instance, and others alike, I've deemed myself the best packer; packing 4 outfits, some books, and the essentials in less than 15 minutes.) I have to get a ride to the train station in the next 15 minutes. 

4:20 ish PM - I'm stuck in traffic and my train leaves in less than 15 minutes. I lied. Not stuck in traffic. Stuck behind this one couple who thinks driving 15 mph on the main road at this time of day is acceptable. I can tell my driver thinks otherwise by the string of "shit"s and "motherfucker"s leaving her mouth

4:32 PM - I arrive at the train station in the nick of time and hustle to the family seat to secure the most accessible outlet in the cart.

4:35 PM - Finished reading Lena Dunham's not that kind of girl (more on that later). The time frame makes this book seem like an quick read but I've actually been reading this book on and off since March

4:36 PM - continues reading Me Earl and the dying girl ( by this point it probably seems like I've packed a library for this trip) I've been come a little bit of a bookworm since discovering the ugly truth- I'm unemployable this summer.

5:24 PM - enter four young women- drunk. They sit right next to me, pounding incognito beer after incognito beer (soon the beer bottles lose their brown bags and are entirely exposed), getting louder after each one. I learn that the profession of one of the females involves "waxing assholes" and that "once you've seen one you've seen them all"

6:18 PM - I meet up with Sherona in grand central and we catch the shuttle to the bus terminal. We discuss the irrationality of our family members.

6:36 PM - off the shuttle we embark on the hottest walk of life, making our way to gate 64.

Maybe I should mention where I'm going. You're probably a little confused... I'll just keep going

7:17 PM - on the coach bus eating Chinese food with a fork 

7:19 PM - Sherona convinces me to switch to chopsticks 

7:20 and 34 seconds PM- I've mastered the art of eating with chopsticks

7:23 PM - the bus pulls off. My food seems unstable on the tray. I announce "if my food falls I'm just gonna leave it there and pretend like I'm sleeping" 

7:25 PM - my food falls. I realize that it's due to the lack of driving skill acquired by the bus driver. He drives with the "stop and go" style of a fifteen year old behind the wheel for the first time

7:38 PM - I'm cramped in my allotted space on the bus and the man in front of me feels the need to exacerbate this. He leans his seat back after I've already stated to him there is no room for this. And now with the tray digging into my knees I tell him off. He straightens up and falls back asleep. "People want the luxury of a plane ride for the price of the bus," Sherona concludes about most of those on the bus. 

10:54 PM - I get off the bus, sore as ever. Savagely searching for a bathroom considering I haven't used the bathroom since I woke up at 11:30

11:24 PM -Shevon picks us up from the bus station. Apparently she forgot to remove the junk in the back seat so I am cramped in the back. It feels like there are at least seven people cramped in this sedan

1:30 ish AM - after deciding it was way too hot in the house, we go to Walmart. They actually went to buy some stuff, but it was seriously way too hot in the house.

11:26 AM - Sherona, her dog, and I get in the truck and head back in the direction we came from.

11:27 AM - the dog scratches me, leaving a two and a half inch mark on my leg

11:38 AM - We pull over realizing that we have no clue how to adjust the mirrors on the truck

11:44 AM - We're back on the road, With our mirrors unadjusted. We just have to make due with what we have

2:24 PM - we pull over for some food. It takes me twenty minutes to get my food and Sherona another twenty, delaying our travels by 40 long minutes. 

5:20 PM - we reach our destination

7:43 PM - We squeeze two more people into the truck and drop it off

8:24 PM - We walk around the city looking for something to eat

7:02 AM - I go underground to catch the subway, I realize the express train was not running so I took the local one and end up missing my train back home.

8:54 AM - after walking several blocks, I board the train back to go back home. The train was packed so I sat next to these two guys. It was obvious that the one closest to me was trying to make the other guy like him. He kept trying to hold his interest talking about things I could tell he had no clue about. I enjoyed my chopped cheese 

9:07 AM - I continued reading me Earl and the dying girl. After a few stops I moved to a vacant seat and kept reading, eventually falling asleep

10:44 AM - I get off the train and get into my moms car, tell her about my trip as we make our way back home

In Short, helping Sherona move in looked like this.

Home -- NYC -- D.C. -- Virginia -- Delaware -- Brooklyn -- Manhattan -- Home
Driving through 5 different states and back in less than 48 hours.

I Have a Friend . . . ( The Peppermint Story )

Her name is Stacey. Stacey grew up eating only fruits and vegetables. She always heard about candy and how sweet and tasty it was. So she went to her mother and asked her about it. Stacey's mother told her while it may look and taste good, candy will just rot your teeth. So Stacey, partially afraid of her teeth rotting, put candy in the back of her mind. As time went on, she heard more and more about candy, it was everywhere, in the stores, on the television. After hearing more, she thought about it more, the different kinds, colors, and flavors. Stacey decided she would try a piece of candy but she wanted her first bite to be special; she had to pick the right piece of candy. There were chocolate bars, twizzlers, and even nerds trying to catch Stacey's attention. Not all of the candies stood out to Stacey; some she stared at in awe but the others would be lucky if they could get even a glance from her. One day Stacey stumbled upon a peppermint when she realized she was waiting so long for the perfect candy. What if she never found the perfect candy? What if it didn't exist? Stacey would've spent her whole life searching for nothing. So, in an act of impulse, she popped the peppermint in her mouth. She was glad with her decision to make this her first candy. She had been familiar with peppermints, they were always around and one of the first candies Stacey had ever known of. They were comforting. Even though the candy tasted good, it wasn't everything Stacey had expected. Stacey expected to be blown away with her first bite of a piece of candy. She expected it to be life changing, to emerge as a new person, however she felt the same. She wondered why she waited so long for a piece of candy. It was because she wasn't ready to deal with what might have been the outcome. What if her teeth did rot? Or if her piece of candy was well past its expiration date? Stacey soon realized that it wasn't about the piece of candy, whether it was a peppermint, a milk dud, or a skittle; it was about her. Stacey waited until she was ready to eat the candy. She waited until she was comfortable to make such a decision; one she thought would be so life changing. And she made sure the decision was all up to her.

Stacey was every girl waiting for the perfect guy. Stacey was every girl afraid of society labeling her sexuality. Stacey was every girl who allowed the opinions of other to shape how she felt about herself.

 Stacey lost her virginity last summer.

 Not as a result of coercion or as an act of defiance but because she wanted to. Because Stacey is a person who can make decisions for herself.

City Antics

With the "excitement of Poughkeepsie" (an oxymoron in itself) beginning to dwindle, I packed my bags, hopped on the Metro North, and headed to the Big Apple for the weekend. Most of Thursday and Friday was spent relaxing, bonding with Magnus (my uncle's new dog), and watching the latest season of OITNB.

Early Saturday was when the weekend really started to heat up, or late Friday evening, however Saturday was the kickoff to the Puerto Rican Weekend. Somewhere between late morning and early afternoon on Saturday I found myself, with daquiri in hand, in the middle of a million people at the Puerto Rican Festival. Shortly after finishing my drink and being bombarded with a whole bunch of "right of passage" Puerto Rican songs, I fled the scene and headed out to the Bronx Zoo. This being my first zoo experience (that I'll ever be able to remember), I was somewhat excited to see what was in store. After traveling through Africa, Asia, and the slums of the Bronx, I ended up back in Harlem and ultimately with another, much stronger, drink in hand. Feeling charged, lit, and ready to go, I went to a party in the Bronx where I met up with my cousin and some friends. This is also where I've met quite possibly the one of the worst people I've encountered so far in life, Malcolm. (Even worse than the lady on the train ride down who opened conversation with me by stating, "I'm sorry I smell like human feces," then proceeded to talk my ears off for the remaining 40 minutes she was on the train. She was nice, just a little annoying and pretty funky.) There were so many things wrong with him but we'll get to that in later posts. The party was fun, and I met some great, funny people. I checked out at around 3:30 A.M., drunk, sore, and ready to go to bed, I climbed in my uber and climbed right back out when I reached my destination forgetting (lets say) to pay him.

Renell's favorite spot in the city

The next day was Sunday. I had plans to attend church at 11 A.M. I didn't arrive until 12:52 P.M., attending only about seven percent of the two hour service. After church, I was back to ordering drinks, enjoying Sunday Funday to the fullest. Before meeting up with my friend Renell, I had two stops to make, the liquor store and la bodega. I managed to whip up a concoction before hopping on the train. Once off the train we went to Shake Shack for the first time. The food was good, but of course there was nowhere to sit. After Shake Shack, we walked around the city and headed back home before sundown. The rest of my Sunday was spent playing with Magnus and watching the Finals.


Monday didn't offer much excitement. My weekend had ended just as how it had started; I spent the day relaxing, bonding with Magnus, and watching OITNB until I got back on the Metro North and headed home.

New friends in New York

Magnus Carter

Gorilla Family at Bronx Zoo

What's a lit night without a bathroom mirror selfie 

I don't remember this being taken

In Puerto Rico

In "Africa"

Giraffe

(self-) Summer Loving

I used to always have the notion that the key to the perfect summer was unlimited sun, unlimited fun, and a summer romance (which has arguably made the summer of 2013 so memorable). As of this summer, some things have changed. This summer, and probably everyday from here on out, is about me. Cool if someone wants to come along for the ride, but I'm not searching for passengers. I've learned in the past year that it's more than necessary to set aside time for yourself. That's what my summer is all about: setting aside time for me, myself, and I. This summer the things I mainly want to focus on are my writings, my fitness, and my car. I'm going to learn myself. I'm going to focus on myself until I want to include another person in my life. But I doubt that'll happen. Call me selfish, but I feel like there are things that I need to experience for myself, things I need to live through alone, that may or may not shape my ideologies and desires. I eventually want to travel places alone for a brief period of time.
You learn the most intimate details about yourself when you're alone. You learn how you truly feel about certain things. There's no outside party to influence you one way or the other. Of course socialization is extremely important to survival but so is learning to be alone. Opinions from others can be helpful or reassuring but you have to live your life for you. I feel like tending to myself this summer will assist me in many ways. Maybe I'll finally decide on "what I want to do when I grow up". Putting myself first has forced me to think of who and where I want to be in the years to come.
This post probably makes me seem really anti-people but that's not at all the case. I'm still very open to company (provided I enjoy the company of said company). Just now, when I'm alone and not doing anything, I won't immediately jump to "I'm so bored", "My summer's dry", or anything else I was moping about this time last year. Instead, I'll take it as an opportunity to work on me. An opportunity to hone my sense of self. An opportunity to exercise my independence. An opportunity to glo.

23

The first time I said "I love you" to someone in a romantic sense was in the September of 2013. We'll call him Mr. Twenty Three. He had just about all the qualities one would want in a partner; he was funny, entertaining, handsome, a good listener, caring, the list goes on.. Our "relationship", though never properly defined, carried through the summer of 2013. It was intellectually intimate, emotionally exhilarating, but never physical. In the weeks before I muttered those three words, Mr. Twenty Three worked to pry them out of me. He knew how I felt and he felt the same. But what led to the "I love you" wasn't as cliche as I imagined it growing up or had seen it in movies. We had been fighting on and off for nearly three weeks. And it was about any and everything. The biggest thing that stuck with me from the arguments was what he told me about myself: I was boxed off, I didn't know how to open up, I never said how I felt. It was all very true; I was scared. I was afraid of vulnerability. Within the next few days I told Mr. Twenty Three I loved him, and I really did. It felt as if the burden I had been bearing had disappeared; I wasn't afraid and felt even happier than I had before. Soon thereafter came the demise of me and Mr. Twenty Three. Before I mentioned all his good qualities but not all of his qualities were good. He was noncommittal, and, at the time, seemed very insecure and victimizing. I wasn't with it. Although I don't feel the same for him as I once did, I do appreciate the role he played in my life. He taught me it was okay to be scared. He taught me to put myself out there, to be me more expressive, to embrace emotion, and, most importantly, to be comfortable with myself. At the time I had no idea that those words would affect me so much. And I didn't realized until recently that that specific argument would be such a monumental point in my development. And although he doesn't know it, Mr. Twenty Three sparked the 'glo up'.

Sick of Being Sick

So I've literally been sick since right before I left Syracuse; about two whole weeks ago. I'm actually over it. The first week I was home I could barely get out of bed, then I realized I couldn't live like that. Eventually, I got a little better, to the point where I could get up and go places. But even now my nose is still either stuffed or runny, like always. I can't deal. And it happens at like the most random times, like I could be talking to someone and then all of a sudden I can't breathe.... like wtf. So I've been popping this Advil for congestion for the past couple of days. I think the worst part about it is that this morning I woke up feeling great, like I could breathe perfectly, my throat didn't hurt, I didn't have a headache so, obviously, I was hype. I thought it was over until an hour later when my nose started running again. It was probably the worst today just because I had a job interview and like seven minutes before I was about to go in for the interview guess what happens? .... I'll wait. Yea. I can't breathe out my nose so I go to blow my nose in the bathroom and and I'm legit in there forever blowing my nose cause it doesn't stop coming.. (pause). But by the time I'm finished blowing my nose, it's almost time for me to go into the interview and my whole nose is red and I look ridiculous. Long story short, I should've went to the doctor about a week ago ('bout a week ago) for some antibiotics, but now I'm at a point where I feel like I might as well just wait it out. Hopefully, I get over this cold soon.

Homecoming

Summer Planning 

Sophomore year is finally in the books! I learned a lot of personal stuff about myself and I have a much more clear sense of self and purpose. Sophomore year's party scene was pretty trash but I guess it was a blessing in disguise because I came to know people in a more personal light, instead of just seeing them out in parties and what not. I got closer with certain friends and have disconnected with others, but everything happens for a reason right?

I've been home for a few days now. I haven't gotten to the point where I want t go back to school yet, which I'm sure will come within the next week or so. Since I've been home, I've been doing pretty much what I did the last month of my sophomore year, nothing. But I do have big plans for the summer. I want to do something epic this summer, but I know saying that, I'm setting myself up for failure. And it'll be just my luck that NOTHING fun will be accomplished. This summer is a summer about personal growth for me. I'm going to try to adapt more healthy habits, they tell you about the freshman fifteen but no one mentions the sophomore seventy. Between Burger King and Wings Over Syracuse, I've probably spent up to a thousand dollars and gained it all back in fat. I've already started running again but I also want to try juicing this summer to see what it does for me.

This summer I pledge to also be of service to my community by volunteering at a local hospital. I figured it'll help give me an idea of the medical world. Maybe I'll get a sneak peek of my future. If I don't volunteer in the hospital, I'll probably volunteer with American Red Cross again. At Red Cross I met a few funny people (including this guy with a beard down to his chest who wore all red everything to every blood drive), so it'll be cool volunteering there.

I also just got a car, so there will be frequent adventures and shenanigans this summer. I want to go on a road trip or even like a small vacation with a few friends and just be lit. Summer 2015 is mine for the taking. 

Ready? Set, Summer.