(self-) Summer Loving

I used to always have the notion that the key to the perfect summer was unlimited sun, unlimited fun, and a summer romance (which has arguably made the summer of 2013 so memorable). As of this summer, some things have changed. This summer, and probably everyday from here on out, is about me. Cool if someone wants to come along for the ride, but I'm not searching for passengers. I've learned in the past year that it's more than necessary to set aside time for yourself. That's what my summer is all about: setting aside time for me, myself, and I. This summer the things I mainly want to focus on are my writings, my fitness, and my car. I'm going to learn myself. I'm going to focus on myself until I want to include another person in my life. But I doubt that'll happen. Call me selfish, but I feel like there are things that I need to experience for myself, things I need to live through alone, that may or may not shape my ideologies and desires. I eventually want to travel places alone for a brief period of time.
You learn the most intimate details about yourself when you're alone. You learn how you truly feel about certain things. There's no outside party to influence you one way or the other. Of course socialization is extremely important to survival but so is learning to be alone. Opinions from others can be helpful or reassuring but you have to live your life for you. I feel like tending to myself this summer will assist me in many ways. Maybe I'll finally decide on "what I want to do when I grow up". Putting myself first has forced me to think of who and where I want to be in the years to come.
This post probably makes me seem really anti-people but that's not at all the case. I'm still very open to company (provided I enjoy the company of said company). Just now, when I'm alone and not doing anything, I won't immediately jump to "I'm so bored", "My summer's dry", or anything else I was moping about this time last year. Instead, I'll take it as an opportunity to work on me. An opportunity to hone my sense of self. An opportunity to exercise my independence. An opportunity to glo.

23

The first time I said "I love you" to someone in a romantic sense was in the September of 2013. We'll call him Mr. Twenty Three. He had just about all the qualities one would want in a partner; he was funny, entertaining, handsome, a good listener, caring, the list goes on.. Our "relationship", though never properly defined, carried through the summer of 2013. It was intellectually intimate, emotionally exhilarating, but never physical. In the weeks before I muttered those three words, Mr. Twenty Three worked to pry them out of me. He knew how I felt and he felt the same. But what led to the "I love you" wasn't as cliche as I imagined it growing up or had seen it in movies. We had been fighting on and off for nearly three weeks. And it was about any and everything. The biggest thing that stuck with me from the arguments was what he told me about myself: I was boxed off, I didn't know how to open up, I never said how I felt. It was all very true; I was scared. I was afraid of vulnerability. Within the next few days I told Mr. Twenty Three I loved him, and I really did. It felt as if the burden I had been bearing had disappeared; I wasn't afraid and felt even happier than I had before. Soon thereafter came the demise of me and Mr. Twenty Three. Before I mentioned all his good qualities but not all of his qualities were good. He was noncommittal, and, at the time, seemed very insecure and victimizing. I wasn't with it. Although I don't feel the same for him as I once did, I do appreciate the role he played in my life. He taught me it was okay to be scared. He taught me to put myself out there, to be me more expressive, to embrace emotion, and, most importantly, to be comfortable with myself. At the time I had no idea that those words would affect me so much. And I didn't realized until recently that that specific argument would be such a monumental point in my development. And although he doesn't know it, Mr. Twenty Three sparked the 'glo up'.

Sick of Being Sick

So I've literally been sick since right before I left Syracuse; about two whole weeks ago. I'm actually over it. The first week I was home I could barely get out of bed, then I realized I couldn't live like that. Eventually, I got a little better, to the point where I could get up and go places. But even now my nose is still either stuffed or runny, like always. I can't deal. And it happens at like the most random times, like I could be talking to someone and then all of a sudden I can't breathe.... like wtf. So I've been popping this Advil for congestion for the past couple of days. I think the worst part about it is that this morning I woke up feeling great, like I could breathe perfectly, my throat didn't hurt, I didn't have a headache so, obviously, I was hype. I thought it was over until an hour later when my nose started running again. It was probably the worst today just because I had a job interview and like seven minutes before I was about to go in for the interview guess what happens? .... I'll wait. Yea. I can't breathe out my nose so I go to blow my nose in the bathroom and and I'm legit in there forever blowing my nose cause it doesn't stop coming.. (pause). But by the time I'm finished blowing my nose, it's almost time for me to go into the interview and my whole nose is red and I look ridiculous. Long story short, I should've went to the doctor about a week ago ('bout a week ago) for some antibiotics, but now I'm at a point where I feel like I might as well just wait it out. Hopefully, I get over this cold soon.

Homecoming

Summer Planning 

Sophomore year is finally in the books! I learned a lot of personal stuff about myself and I have a much more clear sense of self and purpose. Sophomore year's party scene was pretty trash but I guess it was a blessing in disguise because I came to know people in a more personal light, instead of just seeing them out in parties and what not. I got closer with certain friends and have disconnected with others, but everything happens for a reason right?

I've been home for a few days now. I haven't gotten to the point where I want t go back to school yet, which I'm sure will come within the next week or so. Since I've been home, I've been doing pretty much what I did the last month of my sophomore year, nothing. But I do have big plans for the summer. I want to do something epic this summer, but I know saying that, I'm setting myself up for failure. And it'll be just my luck that NOTHING fun will be accomplished. This summer is a summer about personal growth for me. I'm going to try to adapt more healthy habits, they tell you about the freshman fifteen but no one mentions the sophomore seventy. Between Burger King and Wings Over Syracuse, I've probably spent up to a thousand dollars and gained it all back in fat. I've already started running again but I also want to try juicing this summer to see what it does for me.

This summer I pledge to also be of service to my community by volunteering at a local hospital. I figured it'll help give me an idea of the medical world. Maybe I'll get a sneak peek of my future. If I don't volunteer in the hospital, I'll probably volunteer with American Red Cross again. At Red Cross I met a few funny people (including this guy with a beard down to his chest who wore all red everything to every blood drive), so it'll be cool volunteering there.

I also just got a car, so there will be frequent adventures and shenanigans this summer. I want to go on a road trip or even like a small vacation with a few friends and just be lit. Summer 2015 is mine for the taking. 

Ready? Set, Summer.